It’s thirty degrees in the shade, I’m sweating so much even my man boobs have started to cry, weeping endless tears into my sports direct vest. The inside of my underwear is now frankly like a war zone, it’s just chaos down there, everything is just smashed together, I have to keep lunging just to bring some peace to the region.
Read more “Lighter Fluid and Lava Rock! – Monthly Musings 26”
Every Sunday morning at ten o’clock I’m there. Joining that queue with all the other broken people. Ready to cross that threshold and purge our souls, which are laden with the excesses of everyday life. I don’t consider it worshipping, it’s more like a pilgrimage. But here you don’t need a bible and a prayer mat, all you need is a people carrier and a permit.
I was watching a film the other night. A couple were decorating and they were beside themselves with joy. No arguments, no sulking, no awkward tension as one of them flips out and slings a roller into the wall. I don’t know what colour they’d chosen to paint that front room but I would hazard a guess it was probably called something like “Hint of smug bastards”
Read more “What if you can’t do it yourself? – Monthly Musings 24”
Let me just start by saying the last year has been tough, but I think it was the best era for a pandemic like this to happen.
Netflix, Deliveroo, the internet, can you imagine trying to get through this nightmare twenty years ago?
Read more “Techno, Techno, Tech-NO! – Monthly Musings 23”
Traditionally January is the month of the year where I make resolutions to become the version of the person I always wished I could be. To lose two stone, to be more successful at work, to be a better husband and father. Every year I do this and every year I get to the first week of February and feel miserable, and wonder why I set myself up to fail?
Read more “New Year same old me and that’s absolutely fine! – Monthly Musings 22”
So as I write this dear readers we are all in the middle of Lockdown 2 and like most sequels it’s not nearly as good as the original. What did we expect though? We all saw the trailer back in March and we didn’t enjoy that either. This isn’t Terminator 2, it’s more like, 2 Lockdown: 2 furious.
Read more “The season of Noel and Antibacterial Hand Gel – Monthly Musings 21”
One of the consequences of Coronavirus is that many of us have had to start working from home. As a stand-up comedian this hasn’t been easy, you can’t just start doing an impromptu gig at the dinner table, treating your kids like drunken hecklers. You can’t do “your mum” style put downs when you’re married to her.
Read more “Working nine till five (in your dressing gown) – Monthly Musings 20”
As soon as you get that email, your heart starts pounding, “please join Zoom meeting in progress” fantastic, yet another chance to be scrutinized by thirty people all at once. That’s not a meeting, that’s an audition.