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Comedy

Don’t stop moving! – Monthly Musings 41

I’m trying to write this, I really am. I thought I’d have the time. I’ve been in London this weekend, doing a run of the shows at the lovely Soho Theatre.

They have to be commended really, they’ve managed to achieve what HS2 didn’t, they brought a northerner into London! This is levelling up live. They’ll regret it when they see the whippets I’ve released through the West End. It was a pleasure to share some of my negative equity with them.

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Comedy

Occupy Yourself! – Monthly Musings 40

I find it difficult to switch off. To me down time is dead time. I can’t justify the time; it just feels self-indulgent.

I recently went to see the Doctor, I was as surprised as you reader, I forgot we still had those. I was sat in the waiting room, I didn’t have my phone, and I thought, “I feel amazing, this is the best I’ve felt in a long time, I didn’t need a Doctor, I just needed a little sit down!” I’ve started going once a week now, never see the Doctor, I just sit on a high-backed chair and read a two-year-old copy of Bella.

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Comedy

All that we leave behind! – Monthly Musings 39

Al-Pacino has recently become a father at the age of 83, I’m not sure he even knows. I think he’s done it because he just wants something else in the house that soils itself too. A little wingman, that looks like him. I wonder if his wife changes them both at the same time, their legs wiggling in the air, like a couple of roast chickens, as Al hands her the Wet Wipes.

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Comedy

Front line of the Fringe! – Monthly Musings 38

As I write this I am sat in a student hall in Musselburgh, in Scotland. I haven’t been a student halls in over 20 years and it’s very surreal. It feels a bit like I’m in an open prison. It’s en-suite, but the shower cubicle is so tiny, I have to wash one side of my body and then turn round, come out and go back in, like a horse in a horse-box. I think I’m one kebab away from having to be taken outside and hosed down with brushes like an Elephant.

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Comedy

How great thou art! – Monthly Musings 37

It’s amazing how much of art is in our lives. That freedom to express ourselves has been nurtured from birth and possibly even before then. There are some parents play classical music through their bellies, in the hope that they could make their unborn child the next Mozart via osmosis. I’m bit dubious myself, they aren’t even in your stomach Dave, you’re just serenading a chicken biryani.

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