Comedy
Al-Pacino has recently become a father at the age of 83, I’m not sure he even knows. I think he’s done it because he just wants something else in the house that soils itself too. A little wingman, that looks like him. I wonder if his wife changes them both at the same time, their legs wiggling in the air, like a couple of roast chickens, as Al hands her the Wet Wipes.
Comedy
As I write this I am sat in a student hall in Musselburgh, in Scotland. I haven’t been a student halls in over 20 years and it’s very surreal. It feels a bit like I’m in an open prison. It’s en-suite, but the shower cubicle is so tiny, I have to wash one side of my body and then turn round, come out and go back in, like a horse in a horse-box. I think I’m one kebab away from having to be taken outside and hosed down with brushes like an Elephant.
Comedy
It’s amazing how much of art is in our lives. That freedom to express ourselves has been nurtured from birth and possibly even before then. There are some parents play classical music through their bellies, in the hope that they could make their unborn child the next Mozart via osmosis. I’m bit dubious myself, they aren’t even in your stomach Dave, you’re just serenading a chicken biryani.
Comedy
I’m a comedian, everything is for sale. My mum and dad have always supported me, I was showered with love and affection They didn’t have much but I never went without, and I have to say I totally resent them for it.
Comedy
As the son of a fireman, bonfire night has always made me nervous. I’ve always approached it with caution. It’s hard to enjoy a hotdog and pot of peas when your brain is awash with images of burnt hands, singed eyebrows and children wearing eye patches.
Read more “I am the god of hell bonfire! – Monthly Musings 35”
Comedy
Being a comedian is weird. In a normal job you carry over some of your achievements from the previous day, your colleagues remember, you’ve got some credit in the bank, you’ve got respect. Comedy isn’t like that.
Comedy
Morning, sleep well? I never do. I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’m always surprised when I can’t sleep at night but I shouldn’t be. My days are a relentless rollercoaster of adrenalin and anxiety, trying to plough through a to-do list that never ends. Why do I think I can just do all that and then lay down and gently drift off?
Comedy
Last week I was ill. I had the flu, not a sympathy sniffle, a proper, full fat flu. It was the first time in ages. I spent three days rolled up in a duvet, hot water bottle on my butt cheeks and a flannel draped across my forehead.